tinsel town boys
by Sowing Poppies
Summary: AkuRoku, high school AU. Axel starts a band because he thinks it will help fix things. At least some people will know their names when it's all over, even if the rest of the world won't. At least Roxas is smiling again.
1. track 1

**There will be slash, as you can probably tell, and a messy love triangle. And angst. And violence. And**** Michelle-bell is the only reason I posted this thing up instead of burying it in shame. She is incredibly sweet and supportive and an amazing writer - definitely check her stories out if you have the time (and maybe even if you don't). **

**Critiques/Questions/stopwritingplz; it's all good.  
**

* * *

_chapter 1: crooked boys from the edge of town_

On Friday, Axel asks, "Wanna start a band?"

Roxas sits up and stares at him like he is a slightly retarded but still lovable puppy. The television in the background flashes a trailer for a new summer blockbuster and Axel wonders if he should turn up the volume and pretend like he's really interested even though the preview is for little girls and has unicorns and shit. He decides against it because he doesn't think his manhood could survive intact, and he sort of needs that if he wants to get a date.

And Roxas is still staring.

Axel starts to feel a little bit like a bug stuck in petrified amber when Roxas finally blinks and says slowly, "You don't play an instrument." He doesn't sound mad about it, though. Maybe even a little amused by Axel's so-called stupidity (It's actually brilliance in disguise, but he doesn't expect people to get that.)

Axel bites back a sigh of relief and collapses bonelessly into the sofa. Step one, complete. Roxas has always known exactly where the cracks in his armor are located and he's glad that Roxas isn't tearing through them and throwing his plans into the mud before they even have a chance to get off the ground. Not that Roxas would do it on purpose, but still.

"I know that," Axel says, grinning easily and stretching his legs out across the carpet. "But I'm going to start learning the bass guitar next week. Demyx is teaching me and I'm baby-sitting his little sister so I don't need to pay him back or anything. He trusts me enough to look after little kids, which is pretty cool, right?" He doesn't wait for a confirmation before plowing on hastily. "You used to sing, so I thought it might be a good idea. People will get to worship your sexy voice and how cool would that be?"

"Not very. And I _used _to sing." Roxas sighs and drags a hand through his dark blond hair, which is getting kind of long but Axel likes it too much to tell him to get a haircut. "That means I don't actually do it anymore."

"But you did," he insists. "You were fucking _awesome_." And as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he knows he's made a huge mistake.

Roxas withdraws into himself and offers up a blank mask with dull blue eyes that could probably pass as his best friend to anyone else looking, but it just makes Axel want to punch himself in the face.

"Well, thanks. I guess." Roxas looks down at his hands. "I stopped though. After -"

"It's okay," Axel says quickly. "I get it."

He hates himself for stepping on a landmine which he should have seen from a million miles away. He is _supposed_ to keep Roxas away from thoughts of his dead mother, if only because nobody else will even try. Roxas's dad is kind of a dick. A really unapproachable dick with too much work to do to even notice his son. Axel hasn't seen them speak more than five words to each other since the accident and he hates that nobody notices.

Roxas says, unexpectedly, "I'll play the guitar, though. If you want to start a band." His eyes are glued to the screen but Axel hears the unheard 'for you' tacked on at the end and his throat seizes up.

"Okay," he says, hoarsely, and Roxas doesn't make fun of his voice for cracking. "That'll be really cool."

The TV blares a horrible cheesy soundtrack and two twig-people kiss passionately onscreen. Roxas snorts but Axel doesn't notice as his mind is too busy going over Roxas's expression and words, rewinding and hitting pause and trying to figure out if he just fucked up in any major way.

He honestly can't tell anymore and that frightens him.

He tries not to flinch when Roxas turns to look him straight in the eye and asks, "Are you serious about the whole band idea?" The television light illuminates half of his pale face so it flashes blue, black, blue in the dark room. Roxas looks like a strange kind of ghost story and it's sort of nice.

Axel nods once, sharply, dispelling the thought.

"Okay," Roxas says. He turns back to the television screen and smirks as the camera pans to a sobbing actress, her hands clutched around a swollen belly.

"It's her brother's," Axel says absently. He is trying not to stare at the way Roxas's knee keeps brushing against his every time he shifts a little.

Roxas laughs. "That's kind of sick."

He rests his head on Axel's shoulder and they watch a man in a ski mask beat the crap out of a pregnant lady. Axel thinks it really shouldn't feel so romantic, but whatever. It does.

!

A few weeks later and Axel is plucking out a clumsy melody line in his garage. Roxas watches, smiling, from the other end of the ancient sofa shoved up agaisnt one gray wall.

"Good," Roxas says. He picks up his own scratched and worn guitar from the ground and positions it on his lap, strumming out a couple of pretty chords and letting the sound ring out across the empty garage. It took three hours to clean but Axel figures it was totally worth it. They now have a place to practice, or just hang out if the whole band idea falls through (it probably will).

Axel grins. "Shit," he says, watching Roxas fool around on his guitar like he's never put it down in the first place, like the past year meant nothing to the muscles in his fingers. "You really haven't forgotten how to play, huh?"

Roxas doesn't say anything, but he ducks his head and concentrates on weaving an intricate wave of sound around a familiar handful of notes, his fingers moving over the strings so fast that Axel has to wonder why they aren't flying off.

He doesn't realize he's staring until Roxas says, "What?" and glances up at him from beneath his bangs. His hand covers the quivering strings quickly, cutting off the sound. Roxas suddenly looking unsure of himself and Axel is itching to wipe the expression off of his face and never see it again, only that's impossible, so he'll have to settle for fumbling with words and hoping that they'll make things okay.

"Don't," he says. "Uh. Don't stop playing. I love that song?"

Roxas looks at him and Axel can't read anything in his blank face, which is not all that surprising even after all these years. He should be better at helping his best friend than this, he thinks. He needs to be better.

"What do you want to hear?" Roxas is carefully placing his fingers back on the strings and Axel grins despite himself. It isn't often that Roxas complies. He sets his own guitar aside and this is the least he can do. It's what he's always done.

"Anything."

He sits back to listen.

!

The next morning, Axel's stepbrother wakes him up with a pillow to the face.

Axel lashes out and his foot connects with a bony rib because the boy is predictable like that and always attacks from the left. "Ow! That fucking hurt!" He smirks against the fabric of his pillowcase when he hears somebody land on the floor with a heavy thump.

"Axel! Stop wasting time and get ready for school!" his father calls from the kitchen impatiently. It's his turn to drive them to school, Axel remembers with a slight frown. He must have been too noisy since he can usually get away with knocking Riku flat on his ass in the morning.

"Shit, did you have to do that?" Riku grumbles, sitting up on the floor and rubbing his back. He's dressed already and must have gotten up extra early to ambush Axel.

What a freak.

"Then stop trying to smother me in my sleep. Hey, how old are you supposed to be anyways? Six?"

Riku grins and blows his bangs out of his face. His hair has been a lost cause ever since he refused to cut it a year ago, but he still complains whenever people mistake him for a girl. Axel thinks it's more than a little retarded and has voiced his opinion. Multiple times. Loudly.

"Sixteen, same as you," Riku says, sounding too proud. It's not actually a great accomplishment to live for sixteen years in the 21th Century, Axel decides irritably. Riku should at least have a driver's license or something to show for it.

"Nah," Axel says. "You're not even close. I'm seventeen next month, and people don't get arrested for hitting on me because they think I'm a little girl."

"That was once!" Riku bursts out, and Axel leans down to ruffle his hair.

"One time too many, little sister."

"Axel!" his father shouts from downstairs. "Get your ass down here or you're walking to school!"

Riku scrambles up and swings his backpack over one shoulder, looking a little nervous for upsetting his new stepfather. Axel smiles and takes his time changing. He knows his father is all bark and no bite, but Riku hasn't been around long enough to realize that.

He hears the car start outside and scrambles to pull on the rest of his clothes.

"Fuck! Wait up!"

!

Roxas pokes him in the shoulder and asks, "You okay?"

Axel groans into his desk.

"Siblings suck serious ass, Rox. They should be illegal or something. Help me ditch mine after school."

It isn't fair. He had to sprint to the car in a _T-shirt_ and endure a twenty-minute lecture on punctuality while Riku struggled not to laugh in the backseat. Needless to say, Riku failed miserably. Axel had to work hard not to whip around and punch the boy every time he heard a muffled snort because his father was watching him like a freaking hawk, trying to see if his words were sinking into Axel's brain (they weren't).

"Huh," Roxas says. "I think he's okay."

"No. That's - _okay_ doesn't even begin to cover it." Axel sits up and glares at the door, where a group of girls are spilling in. The late bell rang five minutes ago. He feels slightly vindicated when he notices their flimsy clothing, which contain even less material than his T-shirt. Although they do not seem to be affected by the cold weather at all.

"Aliens," he mutters, watching them hand over a handwritten note to the substitute. She takes it and looks bored, stuffing it at the back of her clipboard. Roxas rolls his eyes and digs out a battered CD player from his backpack. He holds up the headphones and it takes Axel a moment to realize he is supposed to take them.

"Listen to this," Roxas says. He actually sounds a little excited so Axel perks up immediately, forgetting to bitch for a few seconds. "I was thinking about your band idea, and I thought maybe we could try to play a few covers or something."

Axel can't think of anything to say. If he is perfectly honest with himself, he did not expect Roxas to commit to the idea at all. It seemed more like a putting-up-with-Axel thing rather than a plausible plan, and he feels a little off-balance now. He didn't plan this far.

He takes the headphones and slips them into his ears automatically, but his mind is focused on Roxas's fingers, which are absently tapping a beat against his leg.

"Like it?" Roxas asks, after waiting the few appropriate minutes. He holds his fingers still and watches Axel carefully for a reaction.

Axel swallows. He hadn't heard a thing. "It was, uh. Really great."

Roxas bites down on a smile and nods, skipping ahead a few tracks.

Axel finds himself tapping unconsciously to the beat after a few seconds and it's actually a pretty good band, they don't even sound too hard or too fast. He's been practicing an hour a night on his bass, which is more time than he ever spent on homework, and he thinks he can handle this. Roxas must think so too.

"Let's try this one," Axel says, pointing to the song number on the tiny display. Eight.

Roxas breaks into a smile and says, "All right. Yeah, let's do it."

For the first time, Axel thinks this idea might actually work.

!

Bumming favors off his little brother is something Axel never dreamed he would need to do in his (almost) seventeen years of awesome living, but desperation has driven him to new extremes. That, and an intense desire to never disappoint Roxas.

He corners Riku on Saturday morning and says, "Play drums for my band and I'll do whatever you want for a day."

Riku's eyes flick away from the cartoons to stare at him in disbelief.

"Wait. Whatever I want?"

"In reason," he amends quickly. "I won't worship your socks or give you all of my savings, but yeah. Pretty much anything else."

Riku, instead of looking ecstatic like Axel had thought he would, just looks suspicious as hell.

"Why? What's the catch?"

_Helping my best friend act like a regular teenage kid again; he doesn't smile nearly enough and I'm kind of missing that._

"There's no catch," he says honestly. "I just need a really good drummer."

Riku grins at the super subtle comment and turns back to the screen in time to see a green power ranger get his ass handed to him by a man in a furry suit. Axel's not sure how people watch this crap, but he's willing to keep silent just this once.

"Okay," Riku agrees. "When do you practice?"

"Tomorrow."

Tomorrow is Saturday and it takes an hour to drag Riku's drum set over from the storage facility where it had been kept ever since Riku and his mother moved into his house a few months ago. Axel hopes the boy is actually half-decent at playing because he doesn't know any other drummers at school.

"You don't need to practice?" Axel asks warily. He doesn't want to sound like an asshole, but he really needs to know if Riku can play. Riku is screwing and unfolding things on the garage floor, and Axel knows better than to help with the scattered parts at the risk of breaking something and messing up the band before it has a chance to start.

"Not really," Riku says. He sets a drum upright and searches around for the next one. "It's not something you can forget. Kind of like riding a bike, only ten times cooler and way louder." He smiles brightly and brushes his hair back.

"Ah." Axel fiddles with one of the wooden drumsticks, wondering why Riku sounds more tolerable when he is talking about something he loves.

Wait.

"If you like it so much, why didn't you move it here before?"

"Um." Riku looks slightly embarrassed and stares down at the cymbal in his hand. "My mom's idea. She thought it would be better if I didn't drive off her new husband right after we moved in."

"My dad doesn't really care about stuff like this," Axel reassures him reflexively. He has said the same thing to Roxas at least a million times before, but it feels strange using the words on somebody else.

Riku laughs and reaches for another part. "I know. I mean, I know that _now_. You're dad's pretty cool. I like him a lot more than all of my mom's old boyfriends."

"He's okay," Axel concedes. He thinks he should say something nice about Riku's mom now, she's his new stepmother after all, but Riku has already gone back to setting up his drum kit and doesn't look like he's waiting around for a compliment.

"You're not too bad," Axel eventually admits. He tosses Riku his drumstick and the boy catches it easily. The drums are set up and the entire process took a lot less time than Axel had originally thought.

"Thanks," Riku laughs, brushing the hair out of his eyes. He looks like he wants to say something else, but Axel hears the distant grinding of wheels on pavement and feels inexplicably relieved. Roxas is arriving on his skateboard.

Sure enough, a familiar blonde head appears on their driveway less than a minute later. Roxas jumps off his board and kicks it onto the lawn where it won't get scratched, running the last few yards to the garage on foot.

"So," Roxas says, sounding strangely out of breath. Axel thinks he must have raced all the way over here since skateboarding usually comes easier to the boy than walking, and he rarely needs to break a sweat over it.

"What's the hurry?" Axel asks, grinning. He's glad that Roxas has finally found something to run towards, but he can't just _say _that outloud. Way uncool.

Roxas ignores his teasing remark and slides off his backpack, digging out a paper-clipped packet and pulling out a couple sheets for Axel and Riku. "I, uh, printed some songs off of the internet."

"Oh. Awesome." Axel takes the paper and glances over it. It's one he recognizes; he's played it a few times at home, but never in front of anyone else. He sneaks a glance behind him and feels slightly discouraged when he sees Riku already tapping something out on his snare drum.

"Don't worry about it," Roxas says, strapping on his guitar. Axel jumps and turns to see him tuning. "Nobody here is going to point and laugh if you mess up. Just, like, play."

"Oh. Uh, okay." Axel slips the strap over his head and slides one hand down the neck of his bass, feeling more comfortable now that his body is in a familiar position. He closes his eyes and imagines himself back in his bedroom where he has seen this song a few times before, the tabs from the computer screen flashing on the insides of his eyelids.

"Okay," he says again, drawing in a deep breath. He curls his fingers around the starting note.

!

Roxas grins at him as the last trembling chord fades away and Axel's fingertips are burning and he knows he made a ton of mistakes, but _fuck_ it was fun.

"From the top?" Roxas says. His eyes are bright and a smile is threatening to spill out of his lips and Axel thinks he looks kind of…

(Roxas looks happy like he hasn't since his mom killed herself)

"Yeah," Axel says. He's grinning too, and he can't make himself stop even though his cheeks are starting to hurt. He jumps up and down and shakes out his hands, his heart still pounding in his ears.

Riku laughs from behind them. "Ready?" he calls.

They crash together on the opening chord, again and again and again, and even though they fuck up too many times to count, it feels a lot like perfection.

!

"That was…" Riku begins. His voice drops off and he is obviously at a loss of what to say next.

He knocks his knee hard against Axel's, which is easy since that they are all crammed together on the creaking couch in the garage. It's getting kind of hot and sweaty with three teenage boys sitting so close together, but nobody is trying to move away and Axel is secretly relieved. This is a rare moment; them being happy with no strings attached, with nothing bad lying in wait in the near future, and he's going to hold onto it for as long as he can.

"That was brilliant," Roxas says, dropping his head back against the couch. He smiles and it must be infectious since Axel feels his own lips twitch in response. "Just…"

"Perfect." Axel sneaks a hand around Roxas's shoulder and pulls him closer, smothering his laughter in sweaty blonde hair. Roxas smells like shampoo and a little bit like oranges. It drags up memories of the best and worst parts of his childhood, moments he wouldn't trade for anything, and he thinks for a brief instant that he is on the verge of realizing something great, something that has been on the tip of his tongue for years and if he had enough time he could figure what it is -

Riku's elbow knocks into his ribs and he jerks back, swearing loudly.

"Sorry!" Riku says, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to do that. I was just getting up for a can of soda. You guys, uh, want any?"

Roxas shakes his head and stands up as well, searching around for his guitar case, his face schooled into a perfectly unreadable expression. "I'm fine, thanks. I need to get back home anyways."

"You do?" Axel glances at the clock. It's 4:32. Roxas's father gets off work at 6:00.

"Yeah, my father's waiting for me." Roxas slings his pack across his shoulder and waves behind him as he walks down the driveway, stopping to grab his board but still not turning around. "See you guys later."

"Bye," Riku calls out.

Axel watches Roxas disappear down the street from the couch. He feels kind of sick with disappointment and he doesn't know why.

!

"So, you can actually play an instrument? That's surprising." Larxene breaks down cackling and Axel wishes he hadn't agreed to meet her in such a public area. They are sharing a smoothie at her boyfriend's workplace, and he knows he's just being used to get back at the guy for whatever petty thing Larxene is blowing way out of proportion.

Still, it's a free drink.

"The bass isn't as hard as I thought it would be," he says, tracing designs on the tabletop on spilled sugar packets. He makes a lop-sided happy face and Larxene sweeps it away with a napkin.

"You suck at art," she tells him with a sharp smile. "Don't bother trying."

"I was pinning all of my hopes on becoming a great artist one day," he says. "Thank you. Those were my dreams you crushed."

Larxene laughs harshly and leans across the table to clutch his arm in a vice-like grip. He guesses that her boyfriend is watching them right now so he bends forward a little. He's played this game before.

"Don't look now," she says. She leans forward and kisses him on the mouth. He keeps still for a few seconds before pulling back as fast as he can without making it look too obvious that he's trying to get away. He resists the urge to rub off the taste of her lipstick and reaches for his smoothie instead, drowning it out with raspberry flavoring and sugar. Larxene leans back in her seat and looks smug.

"Now you can look," she says. His confusion must show on his face because she grins like a horrible Disney villain and points at something behind him.

He whips around just in time to see Roxas walking away, an open cell phone clutched in one hand, and his heart drops like a brick into his gut. Larxene grabs Axel by the front of his T-shirt before he can get up to chase after him and her breath hits his face, hot and sickening and sweet.

"I turned your cell to silent," she murmurs, sliding her other hand under the table and cupping the pocket where he always keeps his phone. "When you got here. You shouldn't ignore a lady."

Axel jerks back and almost knocks over his chair when he scrambles to get away. "Fucking bitch," he spits, reaching for his phone. He flips it open and the screen flashes with two new messages, both from Roxas.

"Careful," Larxene says, eyes narrowing. "My boyfriend is here."

Xigbar appears behind her like a faithful dog and crosses his bulging arms across his chest. He is the most intimidating male in an apron that Axel has ever seen, but he is so pissed off that the fact is somehow lost on him. He grits his teeth and takes a step back.

"Say it again," Larxene says sweetly.

"Why am I even friends with you?" Axel asks in disgust. He glares at her and the hulking man behind her. "Why did you even call me over here?"

Her eyes flash. "Because you owe me."

Axel doesn't bother answering before he storms away, but he can still hear her calling after him, "Now more than ever!"

He flips her the finger and loses himself in a crowd, searching for a bright head he knows has already gotten away.

!

"Hey, Axel."

Axel clutches the phone against his ear and tries not to break the plastic casing. The messages are playing back like some kind of train wreck that he's not allowed to stop, and he just wants to find Roxas and say sorry, but he needs to find out where the boy went first. Roxas isn't at home and his cell phone is turned off.

"I, uh, I'm going to be kind of late to the mall. Sorry." Roxas sighs and there is a wave of static on Axel's end. "Can you wait for me at the smoothie shop? I'll be there in ten minutes."

A pause and Axel thinks, _this is it_.

"Um…thanks. For agreeing to go with me when I asked a few weeks ago. I can't actually think of anything to get my mom by myself. I know, I suck. Uh, I need to go right now, but I'll see you in a couple of minutes. So. Bye." The message is filled with awkward pauses and blundered words and it fills Axel's chest with a terrible ache because he finally, finally realizes what day it is.

Axel sprints to the cemetery.

He wants to jump off a cliff, but he figures he should apologize for blowing off his best friend first. His lungs are burning by the time he reaches the front gate and spots a lone blonde head among the empty green grounds. It's Friday and everyone else is at work. He stumbles over to the headstone and barely glances at the engraved words, he's seen them so many times already, and he should have _known_.

Roxas flinches when Axel's hand lands on his shoulder.

"You didn't have to come," Roxas says automatically, staring straight ahead at the smooth slab of marble. Axel can't tell if his blue eyes are in focus or if he's just ignoring Axel. "I can do this by myself."

Axel sits down next to the boy, as close as he can without actually touching him. He doesn't think he deserves that. "Fuck, Roxas, I'm so sorry. I…I fucking forgot." He remembers birthdays and holidays but memorials are new and he has to get better at this.

"Okay," Roxas says. He buries his head in his arms and doesn't move. Axel notices a couple of violets tied together clumsily with white plastic ribbons lying at the foot of the headstone, and he knows that Roxas picked them out by himself after he left the mall.

"She loved violets," Axel says uselessly. "It's…a really good choice. It's what I would have picked too."

Roxas doesn't say anything. It is only slightly better than him screaming his head off, but Axel's willing to dive after crumbs right now and he's going to.

"You okay?" Axel asks.

Roxas shivers suddenly. It is close to 90 degrees outside and the boy is wearing a long-sleeved cotton shirt, but his body is trembling. "My father didn't come," he mutters, tonelessly. "I wasn't sure if he would remember. I guess he doesn't."

Axel thinks _screw it_ and slides one arm around Roxas's shoulder, pulling the other boy close. He feels the trembling body that fits agaisnt his own and tightens his grip. "Fuck him," Axel says fiercely. "I know he's your dad and all, but what kind of asshole doesn't even show up to his wife's one year anniversary?"

Roxas's breath hitches and Axel feels a flash of panic before he realizes it's _laughter _coming out of Roxas_, _and it's a ruined sound, choked and hurt, but it's recognizable. "You make it sound like it's her wedding anniversary or birthday or something."

"I'm sorry."

Roxas shakes his head against Axel's bony shoulder, and the position can't be comfortable for him but Roxas isn't pulling away.

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up," Roxas mumbles, glaring at the cracked ground, at the weeds sprouting up beside her gravestone. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, _shut_ _up_…"

Axel's eyes burn but he doesn't allow himself to cry because Roxas can't.

He knows they won't mention this day ever again and he's not sure if he's glad or not.

!

They fall into the routine of practicing every Saturday afternoon in the garage. They've actually got a pretty good grip on seven or eight songs (stripped down to just instrumental since nobody wants to sing) before Riku suggests writing one of their own.

"It'll be fun. And it's not like we don't have the time." He taps a ride cymbal absently and they all listen to the wobbling sound as it shimmers across the room. The garage door is open but it's still stifling inside. "Summer vacation is going to start in a couple of weeks."

"Yeah?" Axel says. He stops tuning his bass and looks up curiously. "Hey, are you asking because you already wrote something? Because that's about as subtle as a brick to the face."

Riku nods nervously and pulls out a few crumpled sheets from his pocket. "Um. Yeah, here," he says, holding them out.

Roxas takes a page and scans through it quickly. The tiny frown on his face smoothes out and disappears by the time he reaches the bottom.

"Sounds pretty good," Roxas says. "Your solo is _sick_."

Riku grins and starts to talk excitedly about the techniques they should use, which bands they need to listen to and learn from, where they can get a gig when they get good enough, and it's obvious he's just as caught up in this as they are.

Axel listens to Riku and Roxas talk and he wonders what he has just gotten himself into.

!

* * *

**Chapter 2 (is posted now)  
**


	2. track 2

**Michele-bell is my hero, just so everyone knows. Thanks for the quick beta and saving my fic from certain doom.**

**Warnings: mentions of past activities of the heterosexual nature. In all probability, you can probably skip over that scene and still understand the "plot".  
**

* * *

_Chapter 2 – got television in their veins and spiders on their brains oh yeah_

"Come on," Kairi says. Her hands are on his shoulders and her knees are pressing into his thighs like two sharp weights that are not heavy enough to be called painful. Panting and laughing and balanced on his lap, Kairi looks like a barely legal prostitute hired right off of the Strip in Vegas.

"I want-" Axel begins.

She laughs and shuts him up with a sloppy kiss on the side of his mouth.

Distantly, he gets that this is just a dream. He hasn't seen Kairi ever since her family skipped town a little over a year ago, and what he's seeing now is just an instant replay of the best-worst night of his life.

He still doesn't want it to end.

"Please," he gasps into her sweaty skin. She tastes sweet like summer days by the pool, like peaches or soap. "I need -"

He wakes up and sees Riku's eyes less than a foot away from his face. Appropriately, he freaks the hell out.

"Hey, calm down!" Riku says, dodging a clumsy punch and landing on his ass. He bounces the mattress a little as he scrabbles to get away, saying, "I thought you were having a nightmare or something so I came to wake you up, _fuck_."

Axel stops moving and feels laughter threatening to break out from his lips when he realizes how absurd his life is turning out to be. "Not a nightmare," he corrects. "Actually, it was kind of the opposite."

Riku blinks and says, "Oh." Then he flushes and scrambles off of the bed and onto the floor when he realizes what _that_ actually means. "I, uh. I'm really sorry."

"It's cool." Axel flops down on his back and stares up at the white ceiling. "Ever had a girlfriend?" he asks absently, his eyes drifting to the spot staining one corner. He doesn't know too much about Riku's life before the boy moved in, and he has the feeling that he's not going to be able to fall back asleep any time soon so he might as well find out.

"Nah," Riku says. He pulls his knees up against his chest and shrugs. "Not really."

"Wait, seriously?" Axel's seen the way girls giggle in the hallways when Riku walks by. He's pretty sure that the new exchange student, Selphie, actually cornered a guy on the basketball team just to get Riku's number. If Riku can't manage to keep _one_ of them, then he must be doing something horrifically wrong. Which is hilarious in so many ways.

"Yeah, why?" Riku looks at him and frowns a little. "Are you going to make fun of my lack of progress with the ladies? Because I already know. Seriously."

In that instant, it dawns on Axel that he can say something really bitchy and watch Riku storm away, ruin whatever moment they have going on right now. He knows he would have done it two months ago without a second thought, when his world was just AxelandRoxas and the rest of the population could go fuck itself.

But things are changing.

(More like Roxas is changing.)

"That's cool," Axel hears himself saying. "I don't care if you've never touched a girl in your life. Dating is seriously overrated."

Nice words are spilling out and he wants to prove to himself that he can adapt, too. Or he can die trying. Either way is better than watching Roxas get farther away without giving chase and running his feet bloody.

"Oh really?" Riku smiles and scoots closer to lean back against his mattress, his thin legs sprawling out across the floor like a Raggedy Ann doll. He tries to hide a yawn and mumbles, "What time is it, anyways?"

Axel glances at the bedside table. "5:12. Hey, you wanna go watch the sunrise? I haven't done that in such a long time." It's a random idea, and he's not sure where it came from, but his fingers are itching and he feels the urge to get up and _do_ something. He half-wishes Riku would say no, give him a real reason to bitch him out and leave.

Riku laughs in surprise. "Yeah, okay," he says. "Why not?"

And then it's too late to back out. Axel grabs his wrist and pulls him onto the rooftop just in time to catch the sun breaking over the horizon. The sky is splattered orange and red and Axel can't look away even though his eyes start to burn and he is forced to shut them or go blind.

"It's beautiful," Riku says, his voice hushed with awe.

"Yeah," Axel says. He is watching from behind the fleshy screen of his eyelids and it really is.

After a few minutes, he sighs and rubs his eyes. The thin shirt he is wearing feels paper-thin in the face of the cold morning breeze. "Come on," he says, sliding open the window and sticking one leg in. "Let's go back inside. I think my dad's going to wake up soon."

His dad wakes up at 7:30, which is more than two hours away, but he doesn't say that. Riku follows him in wordlessly and Axel thinks he probably knows it too.

!

Roxas nudges him with a foot and mumbles, "Larxene called. She wants to talk to you." He tosses the phone down next to Axel's head. Axel is currently lying down on the lawn and watching the clouds float by, his thoughts disintegrating. The distraction is less than welcome and he decides to ignore it, opting to watch Roxas wander back inside with his T-shirt sticking to his narrow back.

"Hello?" He hears a tinny sharp voice saying, "Pick up the fucking phone, Axel. I know you're there."

He moves the phone closer to his ear because he has no _strength of character_ and he doesn't think he can take another second of that voice. "What do you want?" he mumbles into the receiver.

Larxene laughs and the sound is even more irritating when every other gasp is a wash of spiky static. "Hey, sweetie. Axel. I need a favor."

"How bad?" He considers hanging up but decides he likes living a little more. Xigbar is less of a boyfriend and more of a personal hit man, but the two are probably the same to Larxene.

Larxene sighs, which is surprising enough in itself to make him pay attention, before saying, "Real bad. Pick me up from my house in twenty minutes. I'll be outside."

The flat dial tone sounds and he gets up to borrow his dad's car because this is how they always work. She's like the bitchy older sister he never asked for but decided to keep anyways, if only for the sentimental value. The only person he's known longer than her is Roxas and that's never a contest.

Larxene is standing at the end of her driveway when he pulls in half an hour later. He doesn't bother turning off the engine, just sticks his head out the window and says, "Hop in, _sweetie_."

Larxene looks tired, but she slaps on her customary sneer and slips into the passenger side seat. "Drive," she orders, fumbling with her tiny purse and pulling out a stick of mascara. He tries to watch out of the corner of his eye as she somehow manages to apply make-up in a moving car without taking out her eye.

"Where are we headed?" he asks. He drums the steering wheel absently as they wait for a green light. "Not that I'm complaining, but I need to get home soon. Roxas is over because there's this new movie that just came out and we're gonna-"

"Abortion clinic," Larxene says. She drops her lipstick and snaps, "What?"

Axel shuts the hell up and drives.

!

"You sure about this?" he asks. He sneaks a glance at the only other person in the stark waiting room, a dark-haired girl who looks even younger than Larxene. He averts his gaze when the girl looks up at him. Her eyes are frightened and bruised and remind him of someone else a little too much for his liking. He decides to ignore her.

"Fuck, you think I'd make a good mom?" Larxene laughs and punches him in the shoulder. He pulls a face but notices that her hands are shaking. "You're sweet, but this isn't a chick-flick and I'm not dropping out of school so I can have a brat."

"No, I mean. I just thought somebody was supposed to ask you that."

"What? Oh, right. Don't tell me. This is deja vu for you. I took you here last year with Kairi and -"

He blacks out for a second and his hand is clamped over her mouth before he realizes he has even moved. He lifts it away and tries to ignore her wide blue eyes, but his heart is pounding in his ears and he can't. "Sorry," he mumbles. "Just, don't say her name."

Larxene doesn't answer him for a long time. She picks up a magazine dated from sometime in the last decade and pretends to read it while Axel watches the clock on the wall and wishes he were back home. It feels like the Cold War re-enacted by two teenage kids with nothing but their friendship on the line. The silence is finally broken when she says, "I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I know you didn't mean to knock her up and all."

"Okay," Axel says.

A tired middle-aged woman walks in with a clipboard and says, "Larxene? Honey, we're ready to see you now."

"Uh." Her eyes cut to his face and then back again. "Can he come?" she asks, her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets, her posture screaming _fuck off and die_.

The woman smiles gently and nods, and Axel gets up numbly to follow them. He can't help but wave to the young girl when he passes her. She flushes and drops her gaze, fumbling with her hands on her lap, and he tells himself that it isn't disappointment that eats away at his chest like acid. It's really not.

Kairi held his hand on the examination table and looked like she was about to cry, but Larxene is nothing like her and for once Axel is so fucking glad that they are best enemies.

!

Roxas finds Axel in the living room with his hands covering his eyes, his skinny form sprawled out across the couch.

"You okay?" Roxas asks. He sits down on the other end and Axel feels a spike of relief when their plans are not being dragged up and questioned like the goddamn Spanish Inquisition (if the Inquisition had been made up of jilted girlfriends.) He's not sure if he can handle talking about the new action flick that he missed when his clothes still smell like disinfectant.

"I didn't see the movie," Roxas says, looking down at his feet. "I mean, I gave our tickets to Demyx and his girlfriend so they're not wasted or anything."

_That_ makes Axel sit up and stare. They have only been obsessing over this movie for the past two months before school got out (although admittedly that probably had more to do with the fact that anything was better than listening to Xemnas talk about chemistry like it was the sexiest thing in the world.)

"Yeah? Why didn't you go?" Axel readjusts his body on the couch so that his head is resting on Roxas's lap and his feet are dangling off the other end. He wiggles his toes and starts humming a song he heard on the radio, on the way back home, but his body no longer feels like a glacier and it probably has something to do with the fact that Roxas is here and that makes everything better.

"I didn't feel like going," Roxas says. A message is buried beneath those words, but Axel is too tired to dig it up.

"All right," he mumbles.

The distant strains of a heavy metal song starts to drift down from Riku's room, and they listen to Metallica's _Master of Puppets_ even though Axel hates the band and Roxas thinks any music from the 80s deserves to be burned in a giant bonfire of doom.

Roxas falls asleep with his hand resting on Axel's chest.

Around midnight, Axel struggles to slide out from the couch without waking the other boy up, but Roxas's sleeve slips up in the process and Axel feels his world tilt for a second. He has never noticed before how thin the boy's wrists are, and it feels strange, but not horrible, when he encircles one with his long fingers just for the hell of it. They almost reach around to his knuckles.

"You're fucking skinny," he mutters, staring at the fragile bone that he has entrapped in his hand. "Fuck."

Roxas shifts and Axel holds his breath and lets go.

!

Namine drops by Axel's house a week later and leaves an invitation to her father's formal function addressed to Riku. The words are written in gold-flaked ink and are probably meant to impress the hell out of whoever reads it, but it's going to take a lot more than that to impress Axel. He just brings it upstairs and knocks on the bathroom door where he can hear the shower running and Riku singing off-key inside. The sound bounces around the tiles, echoing strangely, and it's actually not that bad. Just a touch off-pitch in places, nothing a few voice classes wouldn't fix. He stores away the information in case they need it.

"Riku! I've got a letter for you," he yells, banging on the door. The water cuts off and he hears a muffled curse as somebody stumbles out and falls loudly against the counter. Riku's head appears at the door a few seconds later, his wet hair dripping onto the T-shirt he must have just thrown on. Axel raises one eyebrow and wonders why Riku feels the need to look descent for another guy.

"Who's it from?" Riku asks. He doesn't reach out to take it.

"Uh…Namine, the hottie with the rich-ass dad." He leers and taps the letter against Riku's head. "Hey, what'd you do to make her fall for a guy like you?"

Riku shrugs and tries to read the words in Axel's hand, squinting and twisting his head to one side. "Nothing. She took art with me in freshman year, and we were sort of friends until she started going out with this guy. He's probably busy or something so she needs somebody else to go with her."

Axel doesn't think that she looks like the type of girl who would do stuff with other guys when she already has a boyfriend, but then again he doesn't know too many girls other than Larxene.

"You going?" Axel asks. He holds up the card and grins. "It says RSVP, which is French for reply soon you lazy fucker."

Riku laughs and runs a hand through his hair, grimacing when it comes away wet. Axel wants to know if he was expecting anything else and thinks Riku is kind of stupid. "I don't know. I mean, I haven't talked to her in a while. Think it'll be weird?" Riku bites his lip.

"Nah, course not. It's a huge function. Means there's gonna be free food." Fancy catered food on giant silver platters, Axel thinks, and _shit_ he's starting to feel a little jealous now.

"Hey, uh. Is there going to be any dancing, do you think?"

Axel blinks and wonders if just missed something vital to their conversation or if Riku is just seriously insane. "Wait. What? Why the hell would you even care about that?"

Riku flushes a little. "I, uh. I don't know how to dance," he admits. "And Namine might expect me to."

"Fuck." Axel leans against the doorframe and shrugs. "Just tell her no. It's easy."

"I'm not going to ruin her evening by being a dick," Riku says sharply.

"Oh. Okay then." Axel gets that Riku's basically a good guy, that he wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, and he's kind of like Roxas that way only Roxas tries to keep it hidden where no one else can see. And this isn't Axel's problem.

"What do you want me to do about it?" he asks carefully.

"Um. Teach me?" Riku is looking at him like he is a lifeline, like he's perfect, and it's so damn frightening that Axel just can't say no.

!

Roxas raises one eyebrow and says in his flawless monotone, "You want me to teach you how to dance so you can pretend you knew all along and teach Riku?"

"Um."

Impossibly, it sounds much stupider out-loud and coming from Roxas's mouth even though it already sounds way too retarded in his head. "Yeah," he says, hiding a wince. "That pretty much covers it."

He waits for Roxas to call him a dumbass, an idiot, a stupid fucking prick who should know better than this because he would be totally right.

Roxas kicks at a pebble and sends it skittering down the empty street. "Why do you need to be the one to teach him?" Roxas asks. He doesn't sound very angry. Or confused. Axel has a feeling that Roxas knows the answer to this better than he does himself, but he's still asking like Axel's thoughts matter to him.

"It's just...the way he was looking at me," he says. "Like, I was his real big brother and I could solve everything and I liked pretending to be that guy, okay?" The words spill out and he can't stop it any more than he can stop in the middle of throwing up in a toilet.

Roxas says, "Yeah, okay, I'll teach you."

Axel stops walking and stares after the other boy in surprise as the statement starts to sink in. He kind of expected Roxas to say no and maybe give him a telephone number to some girl who could teach him instead.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Seriously. Come on, we can start today." Roxas doesn't stop and Axel has to run to catch up.

They stop in front of a florist shop after a few blocks and Axel worries that there's been a horrible mistake. It's a small building with a cute frilly display in the window, the kind of shop he expects an old lady to own, but nowhere he would imagine Roxas setting foot in.

"Here?" he asks. He hopes he doesn't sound too judgmental because Roxas is still his best friend no matter where the guy goes.

Roxas pulls open the door and doesn't bother answering him. "Hey, Aeris! I brought a friend over. Is that okay?"

Axel follows the boy in and notices a slight girl standing behind the counter. She has a pretty pink dress and nice eyes and Axel wonders why she looks so familiar when they've only just met. Roxas seems to know her well and maybe that explains why he looks so relaxed in here.

She looks up and Axel hates her perfect smile already.

"Of course it's all right." Aeris brushes off her hand on a towel before holding it out to Axel. "I'm glad you brought a friend over, Roxas. And it's nice to meet you," she says, as if Axel's the kind of guy who would care for stupid things like formalities.

"My cousin," Roxas says, nodding to the girl. "On my mom's side."

"Oh. Cool." Axel shakes her hand and grins. "I'm Axel." He doesn't know why he likes her a hell of a lot more now than he did ten seconds ago, but he lets it slide because this kind of thing seems to happen a lot lately. He hopes he's not starting to PMS like a girl.

"Uh. So, can I borrow the room upstairs? It's not gonna take long, I promise." Roxas has one foot on the staircase already, anticipating her answer.

Aeris smiles and says, "Use it all you want. The woman who rented it for the dance studio is out of town for a couple of weeks. I'm just glad somebody is going up there."

"All right. Thanks." Roxas races up the stairs two at a time, and Axel stands there awkwardly, not sure if he should say bye first.

"Thank you," Aeris says quietly, her eyes on the staircase where Roxas just disappeared. "For being here with him. I…I remember you from the funeral. You were the one sitting in the chair next to Roxas."

"Yeah," Axel says. "Uh. That was me." He vaguely recalls her face from a crowd of people in black who came up to Roxas afterwards and told him how sorry they all were.

"Axel?" They both turn to the direction of the stairwell, where Roxas's voice is floating down.

"Coming!"

"Go on," Aeris says, smiling ruefully. "I know Roxas won't say anything about it, but he's probably a little mad that I'm stealing you away from him."

"You are?" Axel says.

Aeris shrugs, which doesn't help him a whole lot, and he sprints up the stairs and almost runs into Roxas who is on his way down.

"I thought you got lost," Roxas says dryly. He looks…normal. Not any angrier than usual. Axel's not sure what she was talking about.

"Sorry, I got held up a little. But I am so ready for this whole dancing thing. You?"

Roxas rolls his eyes and grabs him by the hand, pulling him into a huge empty room with mirrors covering two walls and a dusty stereo sitting in one corner. Axel can imagine balls being held here, can see the pretty girls and boys twirling around in black dresses and matching suits like a movie.

"Come on, put your hand on my waist," Roxas says.

Axel blinks and forces his gaze down from the high ceiling. "Huh?"

"Axel." Roxas moves to position his arms quickly on his shoulder and waist. "Just do it. Trust me, it'll go faster this way."

Axel knows how to respond to a statement like that. He leers and tightens his grip around the boy's waist (which, seriously, feels like hugging a freaking stick). "What if I don't want it to go faster, Moxie Roxie?"

Roxas snorts. "You don't get a choice, dumbass. Riku needs to know these steps in two weeks, so I'll teach you in one. Follow my lead, okay? It'll be easy once you get the basic steps and stuff."

Axel bites his lip and concentrates on not tripping over his own feet because this looks a hell of a lot easier on TV. After a few minutes of intense absorption, he notices something that is probably very important to the entire dancing process and he stops flailing around, making Roxas look up at him.

"Hey, where's the music?" Axel asks.

Roxas shrugs, and Axel can feel the movement under his hands through the thin material of the T-shirt Roxas is wearing. "We'll add it later," Roxas says. "The stereo here is broken."

"Oh. Okay."

Roxas rests his head against Axel's shoulder and they slow dance in an empty room to the sound of the city outside, to the accompaniment of their own hearts in their ears.

Axel won't forget this day ever.

!

Riku tilts his head on one side and watches Axel set up a stereo in one corner of the garage.

"Thanks for teaching me," Riku says. He looks a little nervous, which is weird, but Axel isn't going to ask because his stepbrother is just a freak sometimes. "I know you didn't have to."

"Yeah, sure. It's no big deal." He straightens up and grins. "You ready for this?"

"Um. Yeah." Riku looks around the room. "Is there somewhere I should be standing?"

"There's fine." Axel walks up to him quickly and tries to remember what Roxas said two days ago, something like _count it out _and_ make sure you guys are on the same step _and_ don't fuck up too much_.

"Follow my lead," Axel says, sounding a lot more confident than he actually feels. He pulls Riku closer and feels the other boy slowly yield, bending towards him without ever quite giving in. It's not like being with Roxas, who just seemed to know exactly what to do, how to fit his body to Axel's, and he probably shouldn't have taken that for granted because things are looking to be pretty awkward right now.

"Come on," Axel says. "Count it. Just follow the beat. Here, I'll start, and if you laugh, I might kill you. _One_, two, three."

Riku flushes slightly and tries to mimic Axel's slow steps. After a few minutes of huffed curses and bruised toes, Riku stops frowning and his expression clears, like he solved a puzzle and it all makes sense suddenly. It took an hour for Axel to get the same steps looking that natural which is something he will never admit aloud.

"This is so not cool," Axel says, but he's smiling and Riku beams back. "You're a fast learner."

"Thanks."

Riku starts to lean forward and his strange sea eyes are broiling and Axel's stomach twists into a knot at the sight, he's so fucking confused. He opens his mouth to ask _what the hell _but his stepmother opens the door and beats him to it with the familiar call of, "Dinner's ready, boys."

They break apart quickly and Axel strides towards the door, saying, "Awesome. I'm starving."

He doesn't look back and walks quickly into the house.

!

Demyx calls him on the night Riku is out to the big function thing with Namine and he says something about fucking stoners and impounded car and are they interested in playing at a club next month?

"Just a few songs before the band gets there because the guys who were supposed to show up said they can't make it, the fuckers, and then I remembered you played with some other kids, so I thought, why the hell not?" Demyx laughs and the sound is so quick it's a wonder he's not choking on his own breath. "It's not a big venue, and there's not gonna be a ton of people there, so it's no big deal or anything if you screw up. It's a good opportunity to get out and play for other people. Hey, you can totally say no if you want."

Axel says, "Wait, shit, you serious? You got us a gig?"

Demyx laughs again and he sounds like he's still smiling when he says, "It's less of a gig and more of a placeholder, but yeah. You guys can play and people will pay to hear it. You're my student, so I think you'll be fine up on stage. Sound fun?"

"Yes," Axel says immediately, and then realizes that he's coming off as way too desperate. "I mean, that sounds cool. I'm gonna have to ask Roxas and Riku about this, though. Make sure it's fine with them first."

"Yeah, absolutely. Just call me back as soon as you can so I can find somebody else if you guys aren't interested." Axel hears somebody yelling on the other end of the line and Demyx calling something back. "Uh, sorry Ax. I need to go, but I'll talk to you later, okay? Bye."

"See you," Axel says to the dial tone. He doesn't wait for another second to pass before punching in Roxas's number and hearing Roxas mumble, "hello?" into his ear, sounding like he just woke up. That makes him feel bad for about a second before he starts explaining what just happened.

Roxas doesn't even let him finish, just says, "Fuck. Yes. Call him back and tell him we'll do it."

"Okay," Axel says, choking back a laugh. His pulse is racing like he's just finished a marathon, like he has runners high pumping in his veins or something. It's weird, but in a really good way. "Let's do it."

(Later, Riku will smile until his cheeks are cracking and punch the air with a yell, and his father will stick his head in from the study and ask what is going on and why are they so excited when it is 11 at night and normal people are sleeping, and he will grin wide and easy and say _I'm just really, stupidly, happy_.)

Roxas says, "We need to work on a song or something. Seriously. We can't just play some other band's stuff on stage."

"Sure, yeah. Okay. Riku's already wrote one and it just needs lyrics. So." Axel's mind is tripping all over itself and he thinks he will be more functional if they are talking face to face instead of over a phone line. "Wanna come over?"

Roxas shows up at his doorstep twenty minutes later with his guitar strapped on his back and his eyes shining bright in the dusky light of the street and the setting sun. "Come on," Roxas says. He holds up a battered notebook and says, "Let's start already."

They plop down in the middle of the living room floor and fiddle around with their guitars, a blank notebook quickly filling up in front of them. The TV plays background noise a few feet away and offers insipid inspiration and annoying advert jingles and there is this one moment when Axel glances up and sees Roxas bent over, scribbling down snatches of possible chord combinations on the page, his hair hanging down across his face, and Axel thinks,

_pretty_.

Roxas says, "I think the pen's out of ink." He looks up expectantly and nudges Axel with the back of the blue ballpoint pen, grinning and obviously anxious to continue.

Axel gets up to fetch another one and forgets what he was about to say. He hopes to hell it wasn't anything too important, so he sticks it in the back of the mind and decides to think about it later.

!

By the process of elimination, they decide that Riku will be their lead singer (Roxas refuses to, point blank, and Axel just _can't_). This turns out to be a huge pain in the ass since it's a really weird set-up. Riku obviously can't move from his drum kit so Axel and Roxas are forced to fill up the rest of the stage by themselves. They need "presence" in order to have a good show, Riku insists, and Roxas backs him up with a nod, so Axel figures they can't both be wrong.

During their first practice, Riku drops the beat constantly and mangles half of the lyrics because drumming and singing do not, apparently, go hand in hand.

"Fuck!" Riku shouts, standing up and knocking over his stool. "This isn't working and you guys know it." He looks flushed and out of breath and Axel doesn't know what they're going to do because he kind of agrees. They've been playing the same song for the past hour and a half and they haven't even gotten past the first verse yet without somebody (Riku) screwing up.

Roxas sets his guitar down carefully on the garage floor and walks over to Riku. "Let's try it again," Roxas says calmly, setting the stool upright. He looks at Riku with his fever bright eyes and Axel gets the feeling that nothing will change his mind, not now, not ever. Roxas is _invested_ in this like he hasn't been in anything since his world sort of caved in.

"We'll get it right eventually," Roxas insists.

"Yeah. Eventually. That could mean, like, years." Riku sighs, but he sits back down and starts to twirl around one stick between his fingers. "Again?" he asks, a little more confident, maybe, now that he knows Roxas hasn't given up on him.

"Sure," Axel says. He glances over at Roxas, who is strapping on his guitar and strumming out a few chords from the song they are trying to play.

Roxas shoots him a small crooked smile and Axel grins back.

!

Axel's not sure what time it is, but they eventually make it through their one song okay. Riku almost lost it once, in the middle of the chorus, but Axel just screamed something into the microphone and he doesn't think anyone in the audience would have noticed. He knows how to force people to pay attention to him, and it's going to pay off when they're on a stage, thank god.

"Think we're gonna be any good?" Riku asks. He looks pleased that they finally finished the song and he got to prove that multi-tasking will not be a problem for him. He won't stop smiling or tapping out random beats on his kit and Roxas is watching him with something like amusement on his face.

Axel stops packing away his bass and looks up at Riku. Personally, he thinks the lyrics they wrote are half-descent, but some of the lines sound forced, like they're trying to be profound and end up sounding really pretentious instead. The problem might be that he's not sure _what_ they're singing about. Not girlfriends, not corruption or anything on the global scale, not even a dog or pet hamster for people to relate to. It's just pretty words and a catchy melody line to maybe cover it up.

Roxas wrote most of the lyrics though, so Axel's not going to complain.

"We're going to be amazing," he says firmly. Roxas glances at him, surprised, but doesn't say anything.

After they pack up their instruments and Riku leaves to watch a movie with some of his friends (he has other friends, he reminds them, and Axel laughs because he actually forgot about that), Roxas finally looks at him again and says, "I didn't know you thought we were good. Actually, I kind of got the impression that you thought we sucked. Hard."

"What?" Axel tries to remember a time when he said such a thing, and Roxas just laughs and shakes his head.

"No, you never said it, but I could tell by your expression whenever we were playing. Like, you weren't sure this was working but you didn't want to say it out loud in case we would blow up or break down and cry or something."

"Oh." Axel doesn't know how Roxas manages to see through him every time, but he hates that he can't reciprocate. "I didn't think we sucked or anything. I mean, I _know_ we're not horrible." He's seen some kids at school play at a dance once, and they actually got bottled offstage by some seniors halfway through their first song. He knows they don't need to worry about that. "I just don't know if people will get it, you know?"

(Sometimes, he wishes Roxas weren't pouring his heart out onto a page for a group of faceless strangers to hear, people that have the power to sneer and call it trash when they don't have a _clue_ about how brilliant his best friend is. But then Axel reminds himself _that's the whole point_ and he can't do anything but nod and smile and pray that someone in the audience will understand even though Axel doesn't since that would make everything worth it, would make Roxas smile, yeah-)

"My mom told me to stop singing," Roxas says suddenly, and Axel's head snaps up to stare because that revelation seriously came out of nowhere. Roxas fidgets for a few seconds before adding, "Obviously, this was before she. Uh."

Killed herself.

Axel nods for him to continue but he doesn't think Roxas sees it because he is staring intently down at his hands. "I mean, it was a week before that, so she was already pretty messed up and stuff. She was taking me to out for dinner or something and I was singing along to the radio and she. She kind of snapped." He pauses, and Axel's chest aches and his eyes burn but he keeps his hands at his sides because he doesn't think Roxas wants to be touched right now, he understands _that_ much at least.

It still hurts.

"So I promised her I wouldn't sing," Roxas says. He leans forward earnestly and Axel wants to tell him he doesn't have to try, Axel's never going to ditch him like that, but the words get stuck in his throat and Roxas is talking again, spilling out words, saying, "Sorry for being such a bitch about it before. I mean, I know it would be so much easier if Riku didn't have to do both parts, but."

"It's okay," Axel says. "She's your mom.

Roxas sighs and drags one hand through his hair and looks like he wishes it weren't true.

"Yeah, she is," he admits eventually. "Um, Axel, honest to god, do you think this is going to work out okay?" All of his defenses are down for once, making him look years younger, like he could fall apart at a wrong word, like his entire world is hinged on this one answer and Axel's the key to everything.

Axel looks him straight in the eye and says, "Definitely."

!

* * *

**Chapter 3: in the works, in case anyone was wondering (LOL). The percentage would be something like 50-ish.  
**


End file.
